Saturday, April 29, 2017

BBQminications...It's the Word on Words.

So I'm sitting here at my computer at Grandpa's Pride BBQ's Secret Test location instead of sitting at the Thirsty Pig Craft Beer Taproom in Dothan, AL enjoying a nice craft beverage pondering my next literary installment.  One thought that has been swirling around my brain matter is the language used by BBQ folks.  In support of this thought, I have coined a new term:  BBQminications.  Obviously a play on BBQ Communications.  Why make my own word for this?  Why not?  It's my article so here we are.  Since the dawn of mankind, communication skills have been used, misused, and generally evolved.  After all, God communicated quite clearly to Adam and Eve on what not to do....which they immediately did anyway.  The art of communication comes in many forms.  There is the spoken, written, sung, drawn, acted, coded, and abbreviated.  In each of these mediums, many would argue that women are better at communicating than the average man.  I would agree.  We men tend to be simple in our communication styles...typically grunts, monosyllabic words, or just one maybe two word answers.  Women tend to communicate in a style that can best be measured by using clocks, calendars, or solar eclipses and may/may not answer the original question.  BBQminications is the perfect blend of simple and original words and phrases that describe specific events and/or actions in the wild and woolly world of BBQ.  I'm sure I'll miss a few, so please feel free to add to this list.
Spot On:  Typically used to describe a pit master's view on how well he/she feels their BBQ entry turned out when the feeling is things are as they should be.  This refers to tenderness, flavor profile (more on that later), and presentation to some degree.  It is often used when venting frustration about a judge's score which probably doesn't live up to what the pit master was expecting.  
Flavor Profile:  Flavor profile refers to the overall taste of the BBQ in question.  Flavor profiles can be sweet, savory, sweet/heat or as evidenced by the scores I used to get in taste, "Heaven Above What is This #&@#?"
Grand Champion (GC):  Used to describe someone who is quite happy at the end of the day.
Reserve Grand Champion (RGC):  Used to describe someone not quite as happy as the GC at the end of the day.
Smoke Ring:  A ring within the outer layer of the protein in question which is created via a chemical reaction.  Or in the case of some inexperienced judges, a reason to score you lower if there isn't one there or it is a small one.  No, I'm not still angry.
Protein:  For some reason the term now used to describe the meat getting cooked.  It used to be that you called the meat you were cooking 'meat'.  Somewhere along the line that changed.  I call my truck a truck because, well, it's a truck.  Technically, I could call it a combustion engine powered transportation and passenger delivery vehicle but that would be silly.....accurate but silly.
Burnt Ends:  These are delicious dark nuggets of beefy goodness that have the same texture of the clouds in Heaven and when done properly the taste of pure perfection.  This does not mean they are burned despite what one judge put on a friend's comment card at a competition....totally not kidding.
Butt:  The upper part of a pig's front shoulder that contains the 'money muscle'.  Not part of the actual butt of the pig.
Money Muscle:  The end of the pork butt that is full of fat strands, flavor, and when done properly brings home the money for the pit master.
Pink Drink:  Apparently, a delicious concoction enjoyed by many that brings on superhuman strength and love for one another.  
In short, BBQer's have their own language.  Many will understand it, and many will think it's silly talk.  I don't care as long as there are lots of people really, really good at creating it and keep on doing just that.  Y'all take care, and Riley says, "Happy Easter!"