Thursday, December 24, 2015

Top 10 Not to Give Gift Ideas at Christmas.


So in typical traditional fashion, it's Christmas and I am again sick.  As I do have the strength of 10 3rd graders, I am able to cobble together this holiday blog entry.  Never mind the bright light above me with people waving me in.  I have been pondering this Christmas season and have wondered to myself about what not to give for a Christmas present.  To be honest, I got the idea from the BBQ Central Radio Show hosted by Greg Rempe.  He too addressed the 'what not to give' gift list on his show this past week; however, I have a few additions that appear to have been overlooked.  I graciously share them with you now.

10)  Any type of boudoir picture set.  Yes, it seems like a sexy and original idea, but no matter how many times your husband promises not to show them, he will.  We can't help ourselves.  So unless you want your husband's creepy friend staring at you like you are dinner, avoid this one.

9)  A membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.  It didn't make Clarke Griswold happy, and it won't make your Uncle Bob too excited either.

8)  Chlamydia.  No matter how nice the packaging or delivery, it's still a social disease.

7)   Anything that was once living and is now stuffed.  No explanation needed.

6)  Any CD set that includes music from anyone that 50% of the people in the room can't identify.....or Justin Beiber.

5)  Clothing for a woman.  Men, you can never win this one.  Too small and she will go into a dieting craze that will drag you down with it.  That is unless 1 oz. of boiled chicken with 3 sprigs of broccoli sounds like your idea of heaven.  Too big and you will have to explain for the next 364 days, "No dear, you aren't that big.  I made a mistake.....yes dear.....I was wrong.....It will never happen again.....No I don't think Jane from next door is prettier than you."  You get the idea.

4)  A prenup.  Good idea in the head, bad idea as Christmas gift.

3)  A divorce.  Again, good idea in the head, but a bad idea as a Christmas gift.  However, if this is an option, I'm thinking a good Christmas gift isn't exactly at the top of your list.

2)  Telling your loving spouse that your mother is moving in.  I do love my mother-in-law so it would be ok.

and the #1 gift you shouldn't give at Christmas.......

1)   Any gag type gift i.e. singing bass, a t-shirt that says "I'm with Stupid", or an apron that has anything at all on it.

For some holiday cheer, here is a perennial favorite from the John Boy and Billy Show entitled, "Christmas Balls."  https://youtu.be/ikMoEI1hoks.  I do hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Christmas.  Let's all remember the greatest present of all, the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ.  That's what it's all about.  By the way, if you did give #8 to your loved one this year, seek medical attention and maybe #3.  Riley says, "Merry Christmas and where's my gift?"  Y'all take care.  

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